i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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