You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
