my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
