My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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