so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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