shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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