nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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