Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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