Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
