Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
