No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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