mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
