My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
jump out the window naked night went bad
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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