Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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