Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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