i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
