I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
