Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
