there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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