Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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