A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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