JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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