I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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