you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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