so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We left an ass print on the piano.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
