Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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