i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
