I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
