Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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