So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
