I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
