On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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