So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
