Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
