i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
