no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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