dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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