Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
