you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
