i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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