He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
