They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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