You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
