Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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