lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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