Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
