his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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