So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
