I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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