I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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