Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize