there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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