How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
