I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
