P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
