3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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