i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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