is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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