my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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