before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
