so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
