in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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