o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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