DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize