Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize