your thong is hanging out like whoa
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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