you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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