I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
