fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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