we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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