dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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