I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
