I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
