do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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