i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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