in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
