today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
