I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
