I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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