i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so let's talk penis.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
