I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
