According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
